December feels like the perfect time for introspection—a time to reflect, question, and hope.
This morning, as I was getting dressed, a random thought struck me: those suits taking up a third of my closet space—am I ever going to wear them again? Maybe one or two for weddings or funerals, but certainly not all of them. That thought led me down a rabbit hole. Those suits were more than just clothes; they were an external display of something. An image of seriousness. They implied a lot but verified very little. Perhaps that’s where the term “empty suit” comes from.
As a consumer society, we’re particularly vulnerable to this kind of messaging. The right clothes, car, house, or neighborhood often serve as external markers of identity—symbols of our perceived place in the world.
I can’t say I woke up one day and decided to stop caring about these things entirely. I wish I could, because the small steps I’ve taken in that direction have been incredibly freeing. Letting go of some of those concerns has allowed me to build deeper, more meaningful relationships and reclaim my time. That said, I’m not immune to wanting things that might carry some symbolic weight. But now, when I buy something, it’s because I truly want it—not because I care what others think.
Take cars, for example. I’ve owned a Miata and a few Porsches. I don’t own either anymore, but if I were to buy another “fun” car, it would be purely for the enjoyment factor—a lightweight, tossable car with affordable upkeep. That said, I’ve found a different kind of joy in driving a pickup truck that can tow our family RV. The experiences I share with my kids on road trips mean far more to me than any car I’d enjoy alone (or with one passenger).
I’ve had the “flex” house and the “flex” car. I’ve dined at countless “flex” restaurants. But honestly? It gets boring. We cook better meals at home, anyway. Flexing is expensive and time-consuming, and it often builds walls rather than bridges. To achieve something truly meaningful, those walls eventually need to come down.
Of course, this is just my perspective. There’s a whole world out there dedicated to selling “flex,” so maybe I’m wrong. The pitch is always the same: Buy this, and people will respect you. But the truth is, people don’t really care. They’re too busy wondering if you’re noticing them, which is ironic, isn’t it?
At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to navigate life and maximize it according to our own definitions. Don’t let the external world hijack your goals or definitions of success. You’ll be much happier—and spend far less—if you stay true to yourself.